i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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