anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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