Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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