I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
