That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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