I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
