seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
