my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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