just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
