I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
