I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
