i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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