Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
