I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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