I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
