Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
