TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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