forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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