4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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