Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
