so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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