I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
