oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
