I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
