So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
