Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
