This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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