His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
