The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
