my mouth tastes like poor choices
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
