Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
