just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
