EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
