If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just invented taco cereal.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
