i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
His hands were made for my vagina.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
