So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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