You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
