So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Operation Purity has been aborted
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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