Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
