Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
