If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dick very happy bro
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
