I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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