maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
