wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize