there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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