U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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