Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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