All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
