Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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