Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
