"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
