I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
