i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
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And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
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I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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