So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
