You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
