That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
