Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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