all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
