yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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