Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
