You're my little dorito
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize