I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
