did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
