Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
