I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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