i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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