My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
