A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
