I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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