Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
