If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
