so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm like, not good at living.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
