i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
